What Should Christians Do About Halloween?

Halloween can fill us with warm fuzzies and fond memories. Countless hours and millions of dollars are spent to persuade children and adults to disguise themselves, march around neighborhoods and beg for treats.

Don’t Be Yourself

There are few pieces of relationship advice more annoying than “be yourself.” Along with “follow your heart,” it seems to be the slogan of my generation. Maybe we’ve watched too many Disney movies and romantic comedies. Maybe we truly think we deserve to be loved by everyone as long as we’re staying true to our every emotion and whim. Whatever the reason, the belief is that it’s always best to do what you want, and be exactly who you are at the moment.

I say that’s lazy. And, it’s extremely self-absorbed. And very unchristian.

It’s lazy because it assumes that people in a relationship shouldn’t have to change their behavior at all to make a relationship work. But successful relationships are built on change. They’re built on sacrifice, on compromise. Time spent in the company of another person is going to change your self. It might mean you have to learn to say nice things to them that you didn’t used to say to people before. It might mean becoming a person who talks less and listens more.

Something I’ve noticed in myself and in my sister is that we’re more inspired to be better people when we’re in relationships. It might be superficial, but the reality is that maintaining a healthy relationship where both partners are giving and receiving in some way makes you a more considerate person.

Besides, who wants to be themselves? If we’re Christians, then we believe what the Bible says about our sinful state. We know that there is nothing good in ourselves. So why would we want to be that?

The person we should be trying to be is Jesus, not ourselves. Whether or not we’re in a relationship, Jesus is who we should aspire to be. I know myself to be selfish, sinful, prideful, among countless other negative things. I don’t want to change that sometimes. But I should want to. I should want to be more like Jesus.

I don’t want to be myself. I want to be better.

Check out the video version of this post here!

 

 

 

 

How God is Sexist (Part 2)

Read Part 1 here.

I have a lot of problems with third-wave feminism. For one, I find that it is often self-contradictory. While it claims to want to give women the right to choose to be or do whatever they want, but the movement looks down on women who don’t fit feminism’s definition of “strong” or empowered”. For example, working-at-home, conservative, traditional women. We must all be like Katniss Everdeen, never like Bella Swan. We all have to be Elsa, not Cinderella.

What has this movement done? Defined female success in men’s terms, not women’s. If men are tough and unemotional, we have to be tough and unemotional. If men have jobs in certain fields, we have to have jobs in those fields. Everything men are good at, we have to be good at. But this is no two-way street. No one is urging men to quit their jobs and let their wives support them, or to make their primary responsibility the care of a household and children. This is because we’ve decided that the roles that women have historically filled aren’t good enough anymore. We would like to deny that women and men are biologically better suited for the roles that they have historically filled. We forget that those both roles are absolutely necessary.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

Here we see different roles in the context of a marriage. Wives are to submit to and respect their husbands. Husbands are to nourish and love their wives. What do women want from men? Protection and security. What do men want from women? Respect and support. Both sexes want a lot of other things too, depending on the individual person being examined. But in general, that’s what I’ve found. I, as a woman, want protection and security from men. The men I know want women who will respect and support them. These basic desires are reflected in the Bible.

Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. (Titus 2:2-5)

Working at home? Pure? Kind and submissive? Not exactly society’s idea of an empowered woman. But it should be ours. A truly empowered woman is one who gives herself up for other people. The same goes for a man. We do it in different ways and through different roles, and that’s okay. Women have their own strengths, and they’re not men’s strengths, and that’s okay too.

We hear all the time that we should celebrate our differences. And yet, we also hear that there’s no real difference between men and women. Every gender-specific role that we fill is supposedly the result of social constructs. This is simply not true, on levels as basic as biology and psychology.

Sisters, let’s start celebrating the differences between men and women, instead of pretending like they don’t exist.

Let’s serve God within the parameters he has set forward for us, instead of deciding that we know better than God what our boundaries should be. 

Let’s define true success not in men’s terms or in women’s terms, but in God’s terms.

Five Tips for College

I’m not so good at getting involved in the social life of my school, if that’s what you want tips on. However, I am now in my junior year of college, and have gotten all As, except for in one class. So, here are a few things I think might help you achieve your academic goals.

1. Focus on the projects in front of you, instead of letting yourself be overwhelmed by all the work that’s coming. During the first week of classes, professors often go over the entire syllabus to let you know what will be required of you during the 16-week class. This has been known to cause people to freak out. In my experience, it makes it feel like you’ll be doing a lot more work than you actually will be doing. Generally, you’ll have 16 weeks, but talking about it all right away can make you feel like you have a lot less time. This week already I’ve had several professors discuss the final exam with us, during the first class session. Talk about pressure. Don’t let it get to you. Focus on doing a good job with the work that’s next.

2. Choose partners wisely. When there’s a group project that’s required, I kind of like to spy out the class and see who’s going to do the work and who’s not. It’s pretty easy to tell. Be active when it comes to teaming up, not passive. Don’t be afraid to ask someone you’ve never spoken to before. Chances are they want a good partner also.

3. Listen to the professor, and do what is required of you. I know. This seems really obvious. But I’ve observed a lot of people who have made presentations or written papers that just don’t fulfill the professor’s requirements. Either they turn it in late, it’s not long enough or short enough, parts are missing, etc. Read the syllabus, listen to what the professor says, and ask questions if you’re unsure about the parameters of an assignment. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your professors if you need help. Also, many colleges have tutoring labs; if you’re having trouble with a particular subject, take advantage of them.

4. Find a rhythm and a method of organization that works for you. What I mean by rhythm is that each class has a different feel and expectation, and each class will require a different timeline for assignments. Most of my classes have a lot of reading. In order to make sure the reading is fresh in my mind, I have to read it the day of the class or the night before, if the class is in the morning. As far as methods of organization, weekly planners work for most people. I, on the other hand, keep track of class dates and times on my computer/phone calendar, and I keep track of assignments on a note that stays permanently on my laptop desktop. Every semester is going to change the way you approach learning, so realize that the method you used in high school or the last year of college might not work for you this year.

5. Don’t lose sight of the really important things. With college, everything feels so urgent. This assignment is due this day, this test is this day. Don’t forget about the things that are less urgent most of the time, but are more important all of the time. For example, your relationship with God. Your family. Your church. They can all so easily be pushed aside because there’s no professor reminding you every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 A.M. to pay attention to them. Take moments to evaluate your life and ask yourself what important things you are neglecting.

How God is Sexist (Part 1)

Haven’t you heard? Everything is sexist these days. Movies, music, television, politics, the media, the army, the workforce, air conditioning. Yes, air conditioning. If you don’t believe me check out the article here. It seems that a day can’t go by without the internet adding another thing to the list of things that are sexist. Many would like to add Christianity to that list.

And I might too, but I look at the whole situation a little differently.

But before you go about deciding whether or not I’m right or wrong, which you may have already, let us first look at the definition of sexism. Because you can’t really decide whether you can label something until you know what the label means. There are a few different definitions of sexism. One is “prejudice or discrimination based on sex”. Another is “behavior, conditions, or
attitudes that foster stereotypes of social roles based on sex”.

I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; likewise that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. (1 Timothy 2:8-12)

Man, do people hate that. It’s cultural, they say. Despite the fact that there is really nothing within the text that indicates this was a cultural mandate only, in fact much to indicate the opposite, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s extremely sexist. A woman is to remain quiet? That’s certainly discrimination based on sex. And if 1 Timothy wasn’t enough:

As in all the churches of the saints, the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church. (1 Corinthians 13:33b-35)

But, then, we have verses like this:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28)

What gives? How can the Bible claim to make no distinction between the sexes, then tell women to shut up? How is that fair?

All natural questions.

I’ve written before about the fact that every human relationship mirrors our relationship with God in some way. Just as a wife is joined with her husband, we are joined with Christ. However, the picture of marriage goes beyond the relationship we have with each other, and with God. The relationship between a man and a woman is also a picture of the relationship between God the Father and God the Son. 1 Corinthians 11 says that just as man is the head of woman, the head of Christ is God. The members of the Trinity are not more God or less God because one is the head of the other. They are all equal in their divinity. However, there is a definite hierarchy. Jesus did not consider it unfair to submit to his Father’s will. If it cannot be beneath the Son of God to be under the headship of God the Father, it is not beneath a woman of God to be under the headship of a man of God. Spiritually, there is no difference. There is nothing about a woman’s soul that makes her less than a man. This is simply the way that God has designed the relational chain of command. There is nothing about the chain of command that makes one link less important than the other. 

Part 2 coming soon.

I’m Only Friends with Boys

We’ve all heard it before. Some of us have lived it. While the prospect of wanting to align oneself with only the men in one’s life to establish more peaceful relationships seems noble, this is actually some pretty dangerous thinking, especially for Christian women.

The two major issues in this school of thought are that it’s a pitfall of pride and it’s divisive. Women are not to be trusted? I beg to differ. This first part is tricky. Love is going to get tough here, just a fair warning. When you put down the rest of womankind –deeming them judgmental, catty, and ultimately, unworthy of respect– you elevate yourself above them. However, you turn the tables on yourself because you then become judgmental and catty – the very things you hate. It’s the vicious cycle of this particular breed of pride.

What can be done to end it? Philippians 2:3 offers some instruction on how we should view others. Paul urges his readers, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” Some versions say rivalry rather than selfish ambition, which I think better applies to this situation.

Don’t make rivals out of other women. Your relationship with them should not be marked with trophies won of who has more male friends. [At this point the writer lost the will to administer tough love.] It may not be easy, especially if you’ve ever had to sit with the dreadful thought that another girl was talking about you behind your back. But, as time goes on, you’ll find that rivalry isn’t very easy either.

You’ll also find that girls change. Sometimes, they were never really all that bad to begin with. Let the pride wall crumble down, and give other women their due respect, all to Christ’s glory. You may think that strategically making only male friends is a foolproof plan to avoid drama, but in reality, it’s only making things worse. It drives a wedge between you and them, thus fueling the aforementioned drama. It’s another vicious cycle. It’s uncomfortable enough in a school setting (albeit entertaining, if we take the Mean Girls approach), but it’s downright insufferable in a church setting. The end of Sunday service is a race to the nearest exit. Youth group gatherings get awkward. The mere idea of a girls’ Bible study is almost more than you can bear! Does this sound ideal? Of course not! Of all places, your church should be a place where you can celebrate like-mindedness in Christ. So stop drawing lines between the pews.

It’s not unrealistic to believe that there are kind women out there who are adept at maintaining healthy friendships. In Ephesians 4:3, we’re given a bit of homework: “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Emphasis added. Don’t be deliberately divisive. Gal pals are meant to be embraced, not kept beyond arm’s length. Remember, this present darkness known simply as drama is only as powerful as you allow it to be. So don’t let it be.

Equipped with the raw power of friendship, I charge you now with this: get out there and love your sisters in Christ – because that’s what they’re supposed to be, your sisters. Be good to each other, my dears. I expect some Leslie Knope & Ann Perkins level affection by the time we’re done here.

What Does it Mean to be Modest? Part 2

In Part 1 of this series (which you can read here), I discussed the fact that modesty as the Bible defines it is quite different from the way that we Christians define it today. Even though it is still true that there are no rules in the Bible about bikinis, shorts, or spaghetti straps, we shouldn’t throw out all rules about clothing. Yes, modesty is all about wanting to draw attention to ourselves instead of God. And yet, how we feel about the clothes isn’t all that matters here.

Wearing clothing or not wearing clothing isn’t good or bad in and of itself. After all, you have to take off the clothes to make the babies, and that’s not wrong. In the context of marriage, of course. And that’s the point: many actions are good or bad because of context, not because they themselves are inherently good or bad. Paul addressed this concept in 1 Corinthians 8. Some believers who were spiritually stronger than others were eating meat that had been sacrificed to idols. Paul admits that there is nothing inherently wrong with this. Idols are nothing, after all. Other believers, however, because of their former association with others, still viewed it as a sin, and they were stumbling when they ate because their conscience counted the action a sin. Paul concludes with these statements:

Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble. (1 Corinthians 8:12-13)

Your heart matters, but other people’s hearts matter as well. If you do something that you know or that you think might cause another person to sin, then you are sinning. We are primarily social beings, and every decision you make, big or small affects someone else in some way. Obviously, you can’t control the way people see you. You can’t control what guys are going to think about you. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care. I’m by no means perfect, but I’d like to live a life in which I did everything I could to help the people around me live the holiest lives possible. If that means layering tank tops under low-cut shirts, so be it. It won’t kill me. It won’t kill you either.

Appearance matters. God may know the inside, but often, each other’s outsides are all that we have to go on. You may have all the best intentions, but if you don’t dress appropriately, don’t expect guys to be thinking about how pure your intentions are. Have intentions. Don’t live your own life unexamined. Dress intentionally. Live as if people are watching you, because they are.

5 Clothing/Beauty Hacks that will Metaphorically Save Your Life

 

 

1. Cut open cosmetic tubes and dilute shampoo with water to make your products last longer. When you can’t squeeze anything else out of that stubborn tube, cut it open. There’s usually a ton of precious gunk (makeup, face wash, etc.) still left clinging to the sides. When you can’t pump one more drop out of your shampoo bottle, rinse the insides with water and use the resulting diluted solution instead.

2. Use a hair elastic to hold down a belt that’s too long. Ever pair a belt with a dress, only to have the end of the belt jutting off into space? Slide a clear hair elastic onto the belt, then slip the end that’s sticking out through it so that it’s secured to the part around your waist. Works like a charm every time. All of my belts have elastics permanently attached to them.

3. Transform your shirts with holes in them into cropped tops. I get those awful holes in my shirts where the belt rubs the fabric into anything I lean against. Turn the shirts into cropped tops by cutting off the bottom and hemming.

4. Wear biker shorts or tights under your dresses to prevent chafing. Most of you probably already knew this, but if you’re too lazy to actually find something that you can wear under your dresses (like I was for years), stop being lazy. Biker shorts are the easiest option, but tights have the added benefit of making your legs look smooth. And they’re just classy in general.

5. Use conditioner, shampoo, or body wash in the place of shaving cream. Getting into the shower and realizing that you have no cream to shave with is awful. Any old goop will do in a pinch. Also, if you have nothing to moisturize with afterwards, check your pantry. Olive oil and coconut oil both work great!

I’ve only included hacks on this list that I know work from personal experience. Share your favorite shortcuts in the comments!

What Does it Mean to be Modest? Part 1

When I was in middle school, my best friend gave me this book. It contained rules for modest clothing. She and her mom had both read it, and they had thrown away a ton of their clothes because they weren’t modest enough. Rules included: no spaghetti straps and no shirts lower than a handbreadth below the collarbone.

Modesty, like any other gray area, can cause a lot of problems. I have found that there are as many different opinions on it as there are families. Bikinis are absolutely not OK, one girl from your church believes. Another girl wears them frequently to the beach. Yoga pants cause boys to stumble, one mom posts on FB. Your mom wears them all the time to the gym. You see the Duggar girls on TV, with fabric from the knee to the neck. You grew up in shorts and tank-tops. Who is right? Who is modest?

There is no single answer, because modesty is ultimately relative to culture. In Regency England, ankles were considered extremely provocative. There are some islands where it is still common for women to go topless. Completely topless.

“But culture shouldn’t be our standard for modesty,” you might say. “The Bible should be our standard for everything.” So let’s take a look at what the Bible says about modesty, shall we?

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

These verses don’t really seem to fit with modern Christian ideas of modesty. In fact, they talk about modesty in an entirely different sense. There are no rules about the length of skirts here. And, unless we’re going to claim that gold wedding bands are entirely out of the question, and braided hair is sinful, it’s very clear that these verses are meant specifically for the culture at the time in the literal sense. So instead of applying the verses literally, let me try to extract the principle behind them. Here it is:

You should never wear something that is meant to draw attention to yourself and away from God. You should never care more about what’s going on with your hair than about what’s going on in your heart. Modesty isn’t about hiding your shape; modesty is about the desires of your heart. It’s about doing good, not looking good. It’s about accessorizing your spirit, not your outfit. It’s about looking at other people instead of looking in the mirror. God knows us girls pretty well. He knows that looking nice is important to us. He wants to be more important than that. Seek attention for God above all else. That’s modesty.

That’s Christianity.

Book Review: Redeeming Love

This book, like the last two I reviewed, has been taking the Christian community by perpetual storm for a good while now. Daisy suggested that I read it, and I think you readers will surmise that the review I will give you will not be as glowing as hers would have been.

Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers is the retelling of the biblical account of Hosea and Gomer, which is meant to parallel God’s relationship with Israel (according to the Bible, not Francine Rivers). The author sets the story in 1850.

My problem with this book is not the romance. Believe it or not, I’m a very romantic person. My problem is not even with the fact that Francine Rivers chose to adapt a Bible story, although most, if not all, of the biblical adaptations I’ve read are horribly inaccurate. The original is always better. My problem with Redeeming Love lay solely in the fact that it was theologically unsound. In Redeeming Love God leads people to do what the God of the Bible would never lead people in real life to do. The power of an allegory is not to be underestimated and can be easily used to mislead people. So if you do choose to read Redeeming Love, do not read blindly, which you should not do anyway, with any book. Otherwise, I am not too proud to admit that I found this book entertaining, although instructive in a way I do not wish to be instructed.