Don’t Be Yourself

c896a7e82c9b8f0c0817c845bea7ea9fThere are few pieces of relationship advice more annoying than “be yourself.” Along with “follow your heart,” it seems to be the slogan of my generation. Maybe we’ve watched too many Disney movies and romantic comedies. Maybe we truly think we deserve to be loved by everyone as long as we’re staying true to our every emotion and whim. Whatever the reason, the belief is that it’s always best to do what you want, and be exactly who you are at the moment.

I say that’s lazy. And, it’s extremely self-absorbed. And very unchristian.

It’s lazy because it assumes that people in a relationship shouldn’t have to change their behavior at all to make a relationship work. But successful relationships are built on change. They’re built on sacrifice, on compromise. Time spent in the company of another person is going to change your self. It might mean you have to learn to say nice things to them that you didn’t used to say to people before. It might mean becoming a person who talks less and listens more.

Something I’ve noticed in myself and in my sister is that we’re more inspired to be better people when we’re in relationships. It might be superficial, but the reality is that maintaining a healthy relationship where both partners are giving and receiving in some way makes you a more considerate person.

Besides, who wants to be themselves? If we’re Christians, then we believe what the Bible says about our sinful state. We know that there is nothing good in ourselves. So why would we want to be that?

The person we should be trying to be is Jesus, not ourselves. Whether or not we’re in a relationship, Jesus is who we should aspire to be. I know myself to be selfish, sinful, prideful, among countless other negative things. I don’t want to change that sometimes. But I should want to. I should want to be more like Jesus.

I don’t want to be myself. I want to be better.

Check out the video version of this post here!






20 More Pieces of Old-Fashioned Relationship Advice (For Girls)

6a00d8341c7c8e53ef0177446ff133970d1. No man is an island; therefore, no couple is an island.

2. Take note of how he treats children and elderly people.

3. 10 years older is not too old.

4. Go on dates, not “hangouts”.

5. Don’t let chivalry go unnoticed.

6. Act like someone who’s worthy of respect.

7. Maintain physical boundaries.

8. Try to maintain emotional boundaries.

9. Wear dresses, even when there’s no occasion.

10. Understand that not everything is personal.

11. Honesty is attractive, self-deprecation is not.

12. A mature relationship involves mature people.

13. If you don’t honor the rules of the relationship, don’t expect him to.

14. Long-distance will be harder than you think.

15. Know what he believes before you date him.

16. Make choices, don’t give ultimatums.

17. Don’t judge your relationship’s progress by someone else’s.

18. Pray, a lot.

19. Love him.

20. Loving him doesn’t mean you need to, or should, be in a relationship with him.

20 Pieces of Old-Fashioned Relationship Advice


There’s a lot of mixed messages out there when it comes to dating, so I thought I’d throw my two cents in there. Some of these are just common sense. Some can be applied to more than just romantic relationships. I’ll let you decide.

  1. Don’t jump to conclusions. 
  2. Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.
  3. Think before you speak.
  4. Take things slow.
  5. Take things seriously.
  6. Talking in person is always best.
  7. You’ll catch more flies with honey. Be nice.
  8. Don’t play games.
  9. Don’t throw yourself at him.
  10. Don’t give up too soon.
  11. Honesty is the best policy.
  12. So is modesty.
  13. Forgive the little flaws. You have them too.
  14. Be a lady.
  15. Bake him cookies.
  16. But let him pay.
  17. Avoid compromising situations.
  18. Keep the end goal in sight.
  19. Listen to your parents. Sometimes they see things you don’t.
  20. Love God more than you love him.